An honest moment of self reflection
Last week I was battling a decision and I really didn’t know what to choose.
I went back and forth and honestly I was tired of thinking about it. In the end, at the 11th hour, I made my decision and moved on. I don’t know if it was the right decision or not. But I had to choose, so I did.
Then this week, I was in a coaching session where my client needed to make a similar decision. And there I found myself coaching someone with the same conflict I'd just experienced (it's so funny how we can see other peoples situations clearer than we can see our own.)
In both mine and my clients case, the decisions we were trying to make fall in a category I call 'why not.'
Where you don’t know whether to go left or right because it could be good and it’s not that bad. But it’s also not really good and it’s also not really bad.
It’s the limbo of “could be something, could be nothing.” So, with my client, we slowed everything down and looked at where the decision was coming from.
First, we celebrated something important. They no longer have to make decisions from the 'need' category.
They don’t need to worry about bills the way they used to.
They don’t need to take on work just to stay afloat.
They’re no longer choosing from fear or survival.
They’re in that sweet spot where their needs are taken care of by the things they want to do.
Like… I want to do this work and that work gives me money and that money covers my life, shelter, food, fun. The basics and the extras are covered by a career I really love.
That is a very great, blessed place to be.
But then, what quietly crops up, are the 'why nots'. This additional category of options in life where you don’t need to say yes to things, but you’re not sure you should say no to those things either.
When life presents opportunities in the 'why not' category, choosing becomes harder.
Pause for a moment and assess where you are in life right now.
Are you in the 'need' category, where you still have to focus on survival.
Are you in the 'want' category, where you're able to make a living doing what you truly want to do.
The 'why not' category, mostly applies to those in the 'want' category. It's additional and makes things a little confusing.
It’s complicated because the value of the 'why not' opportunities aren't obvious anymore. You can’t simply say “Does it pay my bills? Great, yes, I need it.”
That season is over and you truly don't know what logic to lean on in order to decide.
The 'why nots' are harder decisions because you don’t want to feel ungrateful, like you’re turning down opportunities. Or overly privileged because you just got here, life only just got this good.
But also, you realise “This isn't totally aligned. I don't need it.”
So 'why nots' require a different approach. With them, you have to tap into your identity and the opportunity cost.
You have to genuinely ask yourself “What do I not get to do if I give my time, energy and mind to this?” and "What is my time, energy and mind now worth?" Because you cannot make a 'why not' decision the way you made a 'need' decision, rooted in survival and scarcity.
You have to think differently.
Only you can choose, the decision has to come from your brain. And that choice, whichever way it goes, needs to reinforce who you are becoming. Your future-self!
Because 'need' decisions are purely based on your past self and you're not that person anymore.
Want decisions were for an aspirational future self, who you've become now.
'Why not' decisions have to be based on a person you're yet to become. You have to think about your BIGGER future.
Choosing in the 'why not' stage isn’t black or white, good or bad. But I will say this, whenever you hear yourself saying, “Why not?” Pause a bit longer. Because underneath the surface of that decision is something deeper than yes or no.
It’s a "Who do I think I am, really" and that answer is where the real conflict lies, not with the decision itself.
For complete clarity, when it came to my 'why not' decision, I failed myself by making the decision based on my old self. Which is why I felt it was important to write about it this week.
Read this again if you need to, send it to a friend to discuss it with them or email me if you don't quite understand it.
I want this to resonate with as many people as possible because this will be a turning point for how you navigate life and business.
Until next Sunday,
Dior xx
P.S Did you know that I have a membership! People think that the only way to get coached by me is as a private client. That's not true! All members of my membership get 1:1 coaching from me PLUS so much more.
Check out The Goal Action Accountability Group here